LuXoR已經死了.現在,我只是Calvin

拿起我的小提琴,拉什麽好呢.....

很久很久沒來了,也該寫點東西了

 

恩,最近發生了不少事,情緒總是不很穩定. 自從暑假過後,我就開始騙自己,總是認爲只要保持笑容,我就會開心了.在過去幾個月中,我把自己裝的很開心,也感到似乎自己也開心了起來,但是無論怎樣, 在我的心靈深處,似乎總是有一種說不出的遺憾與悲傷. 隨著時間的流逝, 那感覺越來越強烈,也越來越覺得我已經開始笑不出來了.我並沒有去責怪我周圍的環境,而是全怪在自己頭上,縂認爲自己不夠努力,不夠開放,才導致這一切.

 

昨天晚上猩猩大牛帶了三五好友來我傢做客, 大家玩得很開心. 但在他們離開之後, 心底的那種感覺又突然湧上心頭,整個晚上都無法入眠,煩躁無比. 我已經不想在欺騙自己, 其實我並不開心。我很羡慕,甚至有點嫉妒大牛,Marcus他們能夠有一個很親密的朋友群.而我呢,SSIS Shanghai已經不屬於我了,SAS似乎又感覺跟他們格格不入.唉.....雖然Marcus他們對我很好,但是不在同一所學校真的是不方便, 何況我又住崐山呢....周末對我來說真的是很孤單的說, 唉....

Ok this is a poem i wrote for english homework, i wan't say it's any good, but I really like it

 

I live in a world

Where people come and go

Like phantom, like devil

Gazing their eyes of evil

Draining my blood and soul

 

I close my self within

This fortress, to protect my self

From this world of sin

Yet, like a tiger in a cage

Insearch of freedom

2006年10月13日,我17嵗了,算了算,已經是我來大陸第八個年頭呢,唉,時間過得真快啊

記得以前過生日的時候都會喜歡拉一些死黨過來一起狂歡,慶祝. 那時真的是好瘋狂的說.現在大家都好忙,而且也覺得生日其實也不是那麽值得慶祝了,最多吃吃蛋糕,吹吹蠟燭也就了事了.

其實不只生日,生活中還是有好多東西值得開心的,就要去嘗試讓生活的每一天都美好起來, 並且總是往好的地方想就OK了

所以,10月23日,就讓他平淡地過去吧

好久沒來Update我的Space了,我看都快要發黴了

好多東西要說哦,but i'm so lazy....ok i'll make it short. i went to several camps during the summer, and i felt "enlightened". i finally find a reasonable goal and realized that other's words about me means nothing, I am still what i am. 有了目標就是開始忙的時候啦,嘿嘿. So i changed my schedule, I decide to drop PE and orchestra because I want to focus on things that are more important like science, I was going to take AP business, but the counselor suggested me not to stress my self too much. So now I have a free period on each day to finish my homework. I joined the cross country team and we are going to compete with other international schools in Guam. It is very stressful though.

The biggest thing I did was to campaign for treasurer of class council. My speech was actually done months before the actual presentation day, so I’m well prepared, and I think I did a really good job on it, at least some of my friends and I felt pretty good. Although I lost eventually T^T, but I tried my best, so there’s nothing to regret about. 不能沉迷在過去的失敗中,而要從中吸取教訓,讓下一次更完美。

      I try to push my self to communicate with others more that before, I’m not that kind of out going person, especially communicating in English. But I just give it a try anyways, i try to say whenever I see someone I know in the hallway or wherever I am. It felt pretty awkward, but it does work tho, or at least I don’t feel like a loner anymore. There are times I’ll get 鄙視ed (-_-||), but who cares, they are just a bunch of bunch of bull shit by some idiots anyways. And whenever I felt depressed, I’ll always think of the positive side. And I try to smile in front of people, it was weird too.

      Although I don’t really have hard classes, I still have a lot of homework to complete everyday. Usually I’ll always leave some undone and give excuses to the teacher. But now I force myself to finish everything before I go to sleep, even staying up late or no sleep at all. 我已經不能再墮落了,我要努力！well the bad thing is I lost my Psychology textbook so I can’t do my homework which is to take notes. So what I did was to steal the teacher’s book before the due date of the homework and spending 6 hours to take notes from a 50 pages reading…….

      Well I think that’s about it. 今年是最重要了一年,所以要拼命咯！！

BTW, Chinese class is FUN!!  

    

      深夜卻無法入眠,百般無聊之下,開始在網上到處瀏覽其他人的MSN Space. 看到了在SSIS的他們的業照,看到他們到新疆畢業旅行,看到他們一張張開心的笑容時,我的嘴角也不禁露出了笑容. 但我的心裏卻是百般的無奈. 我何嘗不想跟他們一起, 不管到哪裏,都可以那麽開心呢. 我試著忘掉,但又揮之不去.唉

      無奈歸無奈,但是生活還是要過下去的.我知道,以後的日子還長的很,不必拘泥在過去這些可有可無的友情之上(雖然對我很重要,而且我很珍惜這段友情),何況就算分開了,我們也還是朋友.想要有美好的未來,總是會有一點犧牲的. 就算孤獨一人,我也要奮鬥到底.

加油吧

瓦靠,放假了還要Study SAT, 真機車,不過爲了以後著想,沒辦法啦

Today is the second last day to the end of this summer camp. i had a lot of fun during these two weeks. Although there was a lot of works, and we just had a four-hour test that nearly killed us today. This camp was just AWSOME, we were just like a family, we work to gether, play together, we enjoy as a group, and share the same hard time together. And, as usual, we've been doing some crazy stuffs, like running and shouting in the hall way, or when the elevator door opens. it was just crazy, totally.

I met this few Taiwanese fellows from other camp, and we get to gether pretty quick, man i should have met them earlier, i'm leaving in like two days! that's why i kinda hated summer camps, it is always a sad ending when everyone just leave and not seeing each other again.

damn should have brought a camera with me

Hm....going to US tml, well, pretty excited, coz the life in shanghai was just boring. 

放假了,就如心理一塊大石落地般,學校的壓力再也不用煩惱了

不過,少了這塊大石,生活就好像空虛許多

現在整天不是出去騎車溜達,打球流汗,就是坐在電腦,做一些毫無意義的事情

這就是我所期待的暑假嘛

雖然這不是我第一個無聊的暑假了

但我還是無法避免沒事做的煩惱

尤其是好動的我

最怕的就是被孤零零地留下來

唉...真煩

Finally the final exams are over, our souphmore year had come to an end.

說實話,這一年過得滿辛苦的,雖然已經適應了學校的情況,卻還是有很大的壓力.唉

暑假,就是要好好放鬆一下,準備新的開始

加油吧!

面對現實吧,我們的隊爛死了,沒有一點配合,真機車,尤其是那個John,媽的到底會不會傳球阿,不會滾回家去好了,Austin也給我好好去練控求,整天被人家斷,什麽意思.

崐山真是沒有什麽玩車的地方...唉

放假了,its may holiday,考試也近了

我覺得我以前好笨,真的真的好笨,我根本不需要被別人所說的幾句話而影響我的心情,我就是我自己,只有我最了解,別人說什麽,我根本不用放在心上,我也不需要因爲討好別人而放出虛僞的笑容,只有做最真實的自己,才是開心的道理

嗯嗯.....

台妹在Fashion Show好像小學生哦, Cute lol

昨天是最近難得開心的一天,呵呵。早上我們打了CYBA,雖然輸了很慘,但我們還是玩得很開心.而且還發現原來我們的教練是Ella的姐姐也,世界真是小的說。呵呵

ok than is marcus's birthday party, we planed to meet at kupei Mc, but actually i have found them walking to the resturant without us lol. we arrived about 3:30, but the party starts like 5:40, so ww had to wait.....nothin much about the party, just fun, and crazy lol. BBQ was pretty good tho.

Than we went to KTV, 離開后基本說不了話了,呵呵

 

今天,很開心

我,做了一天真實的自己

我,找回了真實的自我

我,放下了虛僞的笑容

我,解放

雖然滑板公園不對外開放讓我很鬱悶

但是,今天是我第一次,和朋友一起

這樣的瘋狂,這樣的快樂

短短的5個小時内,可能是我最快樂的一段時光

雖然我們基本什麽都沒有做

就是在街上,撒野,發瘋,說垃圾話

但就這樣,我已經很滿足了

能夠發洩我心中所積蓄的悶氣

我,快樂

我一天中最快樂的時光是什麽時候

不是打球,不是吃飯,甚至不是騎車,睡覺

而是在三點半之後,那短短的十分鈡,甚至五分鐘

因爲那時候,我跟我真正的朋友在一起

一群真正了解我,關心我的朋友

在他們面前,我不需要裝

不需要整天挂著那虛僞的笑容

可以真正地開懷大笑

我們可以互講垃圾話

可以相互大吼大叫

這就是我們

不需要僞裝自己

不需要忍受各種各樣的冷嘲熱諷

這,才是我一天中最快樂的時光

星期五,又熬过了一个星期

熬过了考试,熬过了学校压抑的生活

总觉得,不论怎么努力的去适应,还是有种被排斥的感觉

还是以前在SSIS那种大家庭的感觉最好

或许是我想太多了

或许这就是要让我专心读书,

才能把这些事置之度外

无所谓,无所谓

人生本来就有很多不顺心的地方

不能去改变,就改变自己

 

今天骑车又受伤了

嗯,走路一拐一拐的

不过,可以做自己喜欢做的事是幸福的

嗯嗯

happy valentine's day,大家都要開心哦,單身的也一樣,不要因爲沒有情人而煩惱哦

嗯嗯,ok,前一陣子有人問我愛情是什麽,引起了本人的一番深思.我個人覺得愛情是一種信仰,恩,雖然有些人沒有過這種情感,但其實每個人的心理都有一股欲望(這句話好那個....),在激勵著我們前進.......

嗯嗯,感覺有點文不對頭,不過誰管呢,呵呵

just came back from Taiwan and hongkong yesterday, well it was fun of course.

嗯嗯...現在家裏的紛爭越來越煩了,今天竟然還被對方跟蹤....Sigh..

現在我所能做的就是祈禱,祈禱.......