Calvin的單車日誌

LuXoR已經死了.現在,我只是Calvin

拿起我的小提琴,拉什麽好呢.....

很久很久沒來了,也該寫點東西了

 

恩,最近發生了不少事,情緒總是不很穩定. 自從暑假過後,我就開始騙自己,總是認爲只要保持笑容,我就會開心了.在過去幾個月中,我把自己裝的很開心,也感到似乎自己也開心了起來,但是無論怎樣, 在我的心靈深處,似乎總是有一種說不出的遺憾與悲傷. 隨著時間的流逝, 那感覺越來越強烈,也越來越覺得我已經開始笑不出來了.我並沒有去責怪我周圍的環境,而是全怪在自己頭上,縂認爲自己不夠努力,不夠開放,才導致這一切.

 

昨天晚上猩猩大牛帶了三五好友來我傢做客, 大家玩得很開心. 但在他們離開之後, 心底的那種感覺又突然湧上心頭,整個晚上都無法入眠,煩躁無比. 我已經不想在欺騙自己, 其實我並不開心。我很羡慕,甚至有點嫉妒大牛,Marcus他們能夠有一個很親密的朋友群.而我呢,SSIS Shanghai已經不屬於我了,SAS似乎又感覺跟他們格格不入.唉.....雖然Marcus他們對我很好,但是不在同一所學校真的是不方便, 何況我又住崐山呢....周末對我來說真的是很孤單的說, 唉....

Ok this is a poem i wrote for english homework, i wan't say it's any good, but I really like it

 

I live in a world

Where people come and go

Like phantom, like devil

Gazing their eyes of evil

Draining my blood and soul

 

I close my self within

This fortress, to protect my self

From this world of sin

Yet, like a tiger in a cage

Insearch of freedom

2006年10月13日,我17嵗了,算了算,已經是我來大陸第八個年頭呢,唉,時間過得真快啊

記得以前過生日的時候都會喜歡拉一些死黨過來一起狂歡,慶祝. 那時真的是好瘋狂的說.現在大家都好忙,而且也覺得生日其實也不是那麽值得慶祝了,最多吃吃蛋糕,吹吹蠟燭也就了事了.

其實不只生日,生活中還是有好多東西值得開心的,就要去嘗試讓生活的每一天都美好起來, 並且總是往好的地方想就OK了

所以,10月23日,就讓他平淡地過去吧

好久沒來Update我的Space了,我看都快要發黴了

好多東西要說哦,but i'm so lazy....ok i'll make it short. i went to several camps during the summer, and i felt "enlightened". i finally find a reasonable goal and realized that other's words about me means nothing, I am still what i am. 有了目標就是開始忙的時候啦,嘿嘿. So i changed my schedule, I decide to drop PE and orchestra because I want to focus on things that are more important like science, I was going to take AP business, but the counselor suggested me not to stress my self too much. So now I have a free period on each day to finish my homework. I joined the cross country team and we are going to compete with other international schools in Guam. It is very stressful though.

The biggest thing I did was to campaign for treasurer of class council. My speech was actually done months before the actual presentation day, so I’m well prepared, and I think I did a really good job on it, at least some of my friends and I felt pretty good. Although I lost eventually T^T, but I tried my best, so there’s nothing to regret about. 不能沉迷在過去的失敗中,而要從中吸取教訓,讓下一次更完美。

      I try to push my self to communicate with others more that before, I’m not that kind of out going person, especially communicating in English. But I just give it a try anyways, i try to say whenever I see someone I know in the hallway or wherever I am. It felt pretty awkward, but it does work tho, or at least I don’t feel like a loner anymore. There are times I’ll get 鄙視ed (-_-||), but who cares, they are just a bunch of bunch of bull shit by some idiots anyways. And whenever I felt depressed, I’ll always think of the positive side. And I try to smile in front of people, it was weird too.

      Although I don’t really have hard classes, I still have a lot of homework to complete everyday. Usually I’ll always leave some undone and give excuses to the teacher. But now I force myself to finish everything before I go to sleep, even staying up late or no sleep at all. 我已經不能再墮落了,我要努力！well the bad thing is I lost my Psychology textbook so I can’t do my homework which is to take notes. So what I did was to steal the teacher’s book before the due date of the homework and spending 6 hours to take notes from a 50 pages reading…….

      Well I think that’s about it. 今年是最重要了一年,所以要拼命咯！！

BTW, Chinese class is FUN!!  

    

      深夜卻無法入眠,百般無聊之下,開始在網上到處瀏覽其他人的MSN Space. 看到了在SSIS的他們的業照,看到他們到新疆畢業旅行,看到他們一張張開心的笑容時,我的嘴角也不禁露出了笑容. 但我的心裏卻是百般的無奈. 我何嘗不想跟他們一起, 不管到哪裏,都可以那麽開心呢. 我試著忘掉,但又揮之不去.唉

      無奈歸無奈,但是生活還是要過下去的.我知道,以後的日子還長的很,不必拘泥在過去這些可有可無的友情之上(雖然對我很重要,而且我很珍惜這段友情),何況就算分開了,我們也還是朋友.想要有美好的未來,總是會有一點犧牲的. 就算孤獨一人,我也要奮鬥到底.

加油吧

瓦靠,放假了還要Study SAT, 真機車,不過爲了以後著想,沒辦法啦

Today is the second last day to the end of this summer camp. i had a lot of fun during these two weeks. Although there was a lot of works, and we just had a four-hour test that nearly killed us today. This camp was just AWSOME, we were just like a family, we work to gether, play together, we enjoy as a group, and share the same hard time together. And, as usual, we've been doing some crazy stuffs, like running and shouting in the hall way, or when the elevator door opens. it was just crazy, totally.

I met this few Taiwanese fellows from other camp, and we get to gether pretty quick, man i should have met them earlier, i'm leaving in like two days! that's why i kinda hated summer camps, it is always a sad ending when everyone just leave and not seeing each other again.

damn should have brought a camera with me